i'm signing you up for texting rehab
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize