Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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