I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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