She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
