He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
