just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
