nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
