This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Boobs are out for the taking
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize