Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
