a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
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