alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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