we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
