OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
