i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize