She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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