i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize