she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
