Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i wish my penis had a tongue
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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