I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
