i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
