decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
