There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
