Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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