every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
