I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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