He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
