At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
