I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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