I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
