my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
