I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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