fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
