I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
