you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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