I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
