Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The adults are the big ones right?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
