His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
