I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my being single is dangerous.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize