actually, I'm a sock model
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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