She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
