I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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