I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
