I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I touched a dick in church today
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize