I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize