he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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