That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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