He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
