Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
