...so i touched it.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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