$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
