have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
