my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
