1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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