Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Everclear isn't food dammit
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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