i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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