my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
