Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
