I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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