Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
