are you still at the devil's house?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
