We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Edward fifth and chaser hands
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
