You made me cry and you don't even care
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
