You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
