Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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