turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize